Bears

Scotch on the rocks.  No I don't want any fucking honey, what are you, retarded?

My girlfriend gave me a stuffed bear for Valentine's Day, and I amused myself to no end by making him speak like a drunken 45-year old who's given up on his dreams.

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Hair? Cher? Care? Upton Sinclair? Damn it's hard to think with everything smelling like salmon.

I sent several versions of today's caption to my girlfriend.  She picked the final one, so if it isn't funny I blame her.